How to recover from a bad date (or anything difficult in life)...

 

Happy "Monday" Funday and Labor Day!

Today I'm thinking about resilience... why? Because I went on a pretty bad date on Saturday night.

I believe we have to be vulnerable and as real as possible on dates, and really in all of our interactions, in order to see if we really connect with a person.

While that vulnerability opens you up to meaningful connection, it also leaves you open to pain... comments that can cut deep, even if you don't know a person well. All seemed to be going fine on this date, until, out of the blue, this guy said some things that dug at me, my character and were really inappropriate. I told him it would be better if I left and we were most definitely not a match. I felt the intensity building and was like, get me the hell outta here!!! SO I got my uber and skidaddled.

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In the past, these comments would have the potential to sit with me for weeks. I'd stop trying to date, or I'd feel like I was attracted to absolutely no one (perhaps, even more frustrating). But Saturday night, as bad as this guy made me feel, I decided this time would be different. I didn't want one date, with a person I didn't even know, to have so much power over me (easier said than done, right?). But I knew it had to be possible.

So I tried something... I let myself feel the feels (walking Stanley, I broke into tears with my sweet neighbor at the amount of frustration/hurt I felt - someone I most definitely have never cried to, but he listened and gave me hope). Once I got back onto my couch, I then connected with why this guy hurt me so bad (old unworthiness stories, that are just stories and don’t have to be my truth), and then I connected with the loving feeling I WANT to have. The feeling I know I'll have when I meet a great person.

It most definitely wasn’t instant, but it worked. I’ve continued putting myself out there this weekend, instead of the typical, laying on the couch and hoping for this horrible “dating hangover” to just GO away.

I share this story to remind us that there is always an option to feel the positive, hopeful feeling, instead of dwelling in the yucky, "I'll never find a good one” feels. It is empowering, but not easy. I know it will take practice, but progress is good. And the skill of resilience is something we can apply to any area of our lives… dating, job applications, turning our art/hobby into a side hustle, difficult friendships, etc…

If you're out there, dating, waiting so patiently, but proactively for your person, I send you SO much love and credit for having the courage to continue putting your heart on the line. I won't give up if you don't. Our people are looking for us too; I know it <3.

 
Liz TrainesComment