Stop choosing positivity - Choose to be real!


A positive mindset is key to living a healthy, fulfilling life. Right? I most definitely agree.

I read a lot & spend plenty of time on Instagram - I’m the first to say, I LOVE inspirational quotes and stories of triumph + and I personally post them on my account! They can all totally lift you up, just when you need it most, and I’m grateful for all of it.

But I have also personally been effected by the downside effects of choosing “positivity” in situations where it wasn’t the right answer for me. It actually was detrimental to my mental health and took me further from the positive mindset I so badly wanted.

Sometimes, “just being positive” feels like putting lipstick on a pig and calling it a supermodel. It just doesn’t feel (or look) right.

And It doesn’t feel or look right, because it’s covering up emotions that need to be processed. And once that processing happens, we can then authentically connect with a positive mindset.

In hindsight, in these moments where I slapped a smile on my face, I just needed to cry, scream, mope, feel depressed, etc… and sit with it, connect with the feeling, non-judgmentally, to let it pass through me.

So for those who are just sick of hearing the “positivity” on repeat, this is for you.

And P.S. Achieving a positive attitude 100% of the time is not going to happen, so please don’t beat yourself up over being perfect - because yeah, it ain’t going to happen (ok, maybe that’s what reaching enlightenment is, but hey, we’re still a bunch of steps from there:)). Take it day by day, hour by hour, even minute by minute.

Instead of choosing positivity, choose to be real, and the positivity will come.

Sound confusing, read more about why and how this works:

  • I believe we are all rooted in positive thinking, love, and joy, at our cores. But, as we go through life, our experiences cloud that positivity and replace it with negativity/pessimism (i.e. things like kids picking on you on the playground growing up, romantic breakups, fights with friends/family, fear-inducing news stories, Donald Trump being president, etc… etc...). These things induce fear in us.

  • We need to respect our feelings, feel them without judgement, no matter how uncomfortable they are. Because that’s how we process them, and move on to more positive, productive thoughts (again, we are positive people, at our cores).

  • If the difficult feelings get stuck in us, which is most of us, even if we don’t notice it, they go into the background and tint everything a little gray - bit by bit our attitude begins to shift to more negativity

  • As the collect more and more unprocessed emotion, we may start to fake “positivity” because we can’t authentically connect with it. And we don’t want to show up as miserable people.

  • When we “pretend to be” someone/thing we’re not, we are acting from a place of fear, a place where we’re afraid to actually be our true selves

  • This leads to loneliness. And a whole variety of other problems.

  • Choose to be real and you’ll start to remove the gray cloud. Bit by bit, and eventually, the sun starts shining!

So yes, I invite you to feel your feelings. Because it is truly important to your health!

It is HARD work.

It takes patience & practice.

It is the path less traveled.

And can be MESSY.

It includes a rollercoaster of emotions at times.

But each emotion passes.

And I can tell you, it’s worth the rollercoaster, because you come out stronger, more resilient, more inspired to live your best life, after every challenge. And you go do it. Because you know you can get through the tough stuff and that there’s something better on the other side.

Liz TrainesComment