You Get What You Tolerate
Do you ever get that deep down feeling like you deserve more? Like you're settling for something that doesn't feel authentic or comfortable to you? But when you mention it to people, they may tell you that you're asking for too much, or, you should be grateful for what comes your way, and seize the opportunity, no matter what.
Whether it's a situation with a friend, significant other, or a career, you can't improve (or relieve that deep deserving feeling) without starting to expect more. You have to stop tolerating your current options, and make room for what you want. This is hard to do... it takes creating boundaries, making hard decisions, and ultimately saying no to things.
I held a time management workshop last night, where we discussed a technique for developing healthier boundaries. Boundaries can enable change, personal growth and ultimately help us start getting what we feel that we deserve. Like I said, it's not easy, but not impossible. If I did it, I know you can too. I want to share a technique that may help you...
Get clear on your top 5 values and how much you need to focus on those values in order to feel like you're on your authentic path to living a fulfilling life.
- This requires asking yourself what is most important to you? What are you grateful for that you don't want to take for granted? This may take some time journaling, reflecting or just thinking.
- Develop your list of values and prioritize them.
- Take your top 5 and make these are your non-negotiable values - make a pact with yourself that they happen each week/month/etc…
Make them specific so that it becomes easier to say no to the people or experiences that aren't contributing to your core values.
For instance, one of my core values is "Spending quality, meaningful time with friends and family that love and support me for who I am." I know the value strong relationships bring to my life and the mutual satisfaction they create. It's critical for me to focus a significant portion of my time maintaining them. This requires thoughtfully planning my time and can be difficult to say no to some things; but alternatively, saying yes to experiences that are constantly draining is a form of self-deprecation and eventually compromises wellbeing.
If enough of your experiences and relationships feel like this, it can degrade your self-esteem and confidence. Who wants that?? You're limiting your potential growth, preventing yourself from meeting the people that will truly support you, and most likely keeping the world from experiencing your valued gifts (aka your truest awesomeness!).
So... expecting more does not make you ungrateful. It makes you strong and shows your desire to grow and be the best person you can be. But this only happens if you discover how to be grateful for what you currently have and live your values. Once you've done that... Speak up. Trust that inner feeling - figure out what it's telling you. Don't tolerate what you don't want! Let your values shine bright and remember, if you think you're worth more, you most definitely are worthy of it.
Have a fantastic weekend - go dance in the rain at Lolla (I'll be skipping the fest, but I'll be dancing in my living room with Stan)!